WHAT ABOUT HOME SCHOOLING THEM?

I used to be a bit of a home schooling missionary.

`You may be considering home education for your child – either to keep up with his growing intellectual needs that are not being met by his school, or to keep him at the educational level considered normal for his age if he is lagging behind,'  I ventured on a regular basis to the unwary who rang with simple enquiries.  

I usually added honestly, `You may be fearful that if you do so, your child will suffer both socially and educationally.  Take heart from stories of the home schoolers of the past.'  
And I then launched into a veritable diatribe which must have bored them into the ground if they had simply rung to find the contact person for the nearest chess club. 

Blaise Pascal was educated by his father, who gave up his government position in order to devote himself to this task. In hindsight he was a bit like me at my worst.  He particularly wanted Blaise to learn because of an innate curiosity rather than be taught by rote.   Subjects like Geography and History were taught via discussion at meal times rather than in any formal manner.   He also believed classics to be more important than mathematics - (and even now I couldn't agree with him more.)   Later when young Blaise stumbled upon mathematics he demanded to know why he had not been taught this exciting subject.  He was promised maths lessons once he had mastered Latin and Greek.

Karl Witte’s father documented the home education of his son in great detail. (Well I didn't go quite that far myself but I did once write a book about it.)  Herr Witte had unusually strong views about how it should take place and therefore it began at birth.  He felt that such a regime would produce genius no matter what the child’s potential.     He was a village parson and in order to take on this momentous task he resigned from his parish (another real enthusiast you see.)    Baby talk was avoided and Karl was encouraged to speak early, and properly.    The Wittes decided that they must never speak harshly to each other in Karl’s presence and that they should always behave in a manner that they hoped he might emulate.   All disputes and discussions about unpleasant subjects were avoided.   Karl’s diet was closely monitored to ensure that he ate only those foods that were good for him and avoided foods with too much salt, sugar or spices.    He was taken to concerts and operas whilst very young as well as local markets and village fairs.  (And I can empathize with that!)   He had very few toys, being encouraged to look around him for playthings.   His parents did not like him playing with other children for fear he would learn bad habits and only capitulated under pressure from friends and family.     However, Karl quickly did learn bad language and began to tell lies so the friendships were quashed, his father stating that he believed the idea that children needed others of similar age in order to grow up normally was absolute nonsense.  (How often have I heard that from dedicated home schoolers?)  The Witte system seemed to work.  At nine Karl was sent to Leipzig University after being given a special dispensation.  He got a PhD at the age of thirteen.   At sixteen he was made a Doctor of Laws and appointed to the teaching staff as a professor in Berlin. (There you go!)

John Stuart Mill had an almost identical home education although the Mills believed in motivating their son with little rewards which would have horrified the Wittes.    James Mill believed that there was little in the idea of genetic inheritance with regard to intelligence and that given an intensive regime of education, a genius would emerge.    Therefore John was taught Greek when he was three and once he had mastered it, mathematics in the form of simple arithmetic was added to his timetable.   He was not fond of arithmetic but nevertheless was able to teach his younger sister this subject by the time he was eight.   At the same time he was now learning Latin, Algebra and Geometry.  At ten he began Astronomy and Physics and at twelve Philosophy and Logic.    He was largely protected from the company of other boys until the age of thirteen when he was sent to France to stay with friends and to be introduced to Swimming and Fencing. He found this social  experience quite shocking apparently.    However, he was able to recover and went on to use his quite remarkable education to fight for social issues such as equality of opportunity, free education for all and women’s rights. This may or may not have been what his doting parents had envisaged.

John Wesley was mostly home schooled by his mother who got up before five am each morning in order to do the job properly and continue to run her household efficiently.   Hers was a large family and the older children had to help teach the younger ones. (She clearly had the right idea.)

Jeremy Bentham was taught by his father until he was ten years old.   It was an intensive routine and there was little time to mix with other children, and when he did so the other children were made to feel like idiots compared with Jeremy, with many jokes and rude remarks made about their academic abilities.  Well that wouldn't have helped him make friends would it?

Goethe was also home schooled and private tutors were employed to teach him various subjects.  Later he said that he greatly missed the company of other children.

Lord Tennyson was educated at home for a number of years, though sent to school at the age of eleven and so was Anthony Trollope.    Until he went to Harrow at fifteen or sixteen, Nehru received all his education at home, mostly from private tutors.

And in 2014 in New Zealand hundreds and hundreds of parents now home educate their children - and very possibly most of them are as enthusiastic as I was myself.   

A Trip To The City

The husband looked impatient and complained bitterly that he thought we were going out so I reluctantly tore myself away from the delightful and very newly acquired skill of dragging photos from here to there on the computer screen.   Some of them refused to do anything other than remain upside down so they were best abandoned I thought.
We went to the library and filled with enthusiasm I came away with a `Totally Easy-Peasy Guide For Real Dummies on Windows 8' for me and a similar title for him on the Samsung Tablet he has now had for over a year and still cannot send or receive emails with.   To be fair he can and does read The Guardian  and avidly follows BBC News.
We then went to Mezze our favourite cafe for what he called `a snack'.    He polished off a dish of lamb tagine and two glasses of wine followed by almost half of my meatballs so I told him it was his dinner and not to expect more than a toasted sandwich later on.   In any case I was keen to use, yet again,  the sandwich press I bought last week and have become quite addicted to.
`This is nice,'  I said and he agreed.
Then the peace and equilibrium of Mezze mid afternoon on a Saturday was shattered by the entrance of new patrons - a grandmother and her adored three year old grand daughter who was terribly happy playing with her new plastic recorder.
`She'll stop as soon as she gets something to eat,'   I said hopefully.   But of course she didn't and played on, blissfully unaware of the hostile glances of others.   Grandmother did not notice the sudden air of cold disapproval because she was gazing at the little musical prodigy with love and devotion.
`Shall I ask politely if Grandmother would mind taking that bloody toy away from her?'  I suggested. The husband looked up with the air of one replete with good food and said no because it was time to go home.    So we did. 

PARENTING THE EXCESSIVELY GIFTED.

Yesterday's early morning caller had certainly sounded anxious and we all know that excessive anxiety in parents can cause all kinds of problems that can never be eradicated from a vulnerable child’s experience.

`You might blame yourself for being somewhat over anxious about him,’ I said,  `Particularly as he’s a first child,’ – it turned out he was an only child which was even worse and meant that an over dose of anxiety went with the job description.  `Take heart - you may not be quite as neurotic as you imagine,’  I heard myself say kindly.

Feodor Dostoevsky, I told her, was never allowed out of the house by himself or allowed to associate with anyone outside his immediate family.  H.G.Wells was told he must not play with local children because they were rough, vulgar and common.  William Pitt was allowed to go to University but his mother insisted that he be accompanied by a nurse in case he should become unwell.    Alfred Nobel was another son desperately loved by his mother who shared his bedroom for years in case he should want something during the night (maybe not quite as odd as it sounds considering the day and age...)  Marcel Proust was a clingy child whose parents doted on him.  Until he was a teenager his mother stayed in his room each night until he went to sleep so that he would feel secure - which in itself makes Mrs. Nobel look a tinsy bit more normal.  Marcel in fact begged his mother not to leave his side even for an hour or two and cried bitterly if she did so.

`They sound a lot worse than me,’  said my telephone communicant and sounded a little more hopeful.

I idly wondered if she was also a `Pushy Parent’.  Had she ever been described as somewhat pushy by her son’s class teacher, or even by a member of her extended family?  Did she sometimes ask him to play a Chopin waltz for visitors to show off his talent?   Did she once send his poems to a publisher on his behalf?    She admitted to these misdemeanours and shamefacedly joined the ranks of the over ambitious.

Not to worry though. Mozart’s father, I told her comfortingly, was the archetypal pushy parent, treating him like a performing bear and dragging him across Europe to show him off.

Carl Weber’s father was convinced that Carl was another Mozart, putting him through an intensive musical training and showing him off to all and sundry. Beethoven’s father felt much the same about little Ludwig and forced him to practise for hours on end on both violin and piano, even hauling him out of bed late at night to do so.

Samuel Johnson claimed in adult life that his parents exhibited him like circus animal and were perpetually relating tales of his brilliance to the neighbours.  He particularly accused his father and felt that the man had been too old when he was born and that consequently he treated him more like an exotic pet than a child.

`How old was he?’  she asked and I had to admit that I had been quite unable to find out. 

We talked about Early Development.  Her son had been one of those infants who meet their milestones early, who crawl around at six months, having already developed several teeth.    They often demand proper food at one year,  ask for French lessons at three, and violin lessons at four.  Initially they are a joy to their parents as they regale all who will listen with a list of their ever increasing abilities.   They are fondly convinced that their child is well on the way to becoming a Rhodes Scholar.

Well, why not?  Parenting the gifted was not destined to be doom and gloom all of the time.

Jeremy Bentham was only twelve years old when he went to Oxford, getting his B.A. at fifteen and his M.A. at eighteen.   Picasso could draw long before he could speak.   Handel was well known for his musical abilities at the age of six and by eleven was a competent composer.   Haydn also developed early and composed a Mass at thirteen.  Mozart’s precocity is legend. Beethoven  first played in public at eight, Rossini was thirteen and Schubert was fourteen. Mendelssohn began to compose and play in public at nine, writing works for both violin and piano.  When he was fifteen he wrote his first opera.   It is said that when Chopin was a pre-schooler he would weep with emotion when he heard music, and he learned to play the piano long before he learned to read and write.   His first compositions were written at the age of six.    Brahms was also very precocious and while still a child he became a bar room pianist.

The anxious mother on the other end of the line began to sound a little more hopeful and even told me, quite decisively, she did not want her son playing in bars at any stage and she was almost tempted to put a halt to the music lessons for a year or two.

REACHING THEIR POTENTIAL

Ideally, all able children should be capable of reaching their potential, whatever that might be and in whatever direction the pursuit of that achievement takes them and this should be particularly so for the highly intelligent.  School should work for them all and an ideal school situation should provide them with all the academic stimulation necessary to point them on their way to career success.  A perfect, model home environment should offer them all they need to ensure emotional and intellectual health for the rest of their lives.   It does not always work that way of course I told the worried parent with whom I had an elongated early morning conversation.

When reading of the upbringing and childhood experiences of many of those who grew up to be outstanding men and women an extraordinary and fascinating body of information can be uncovered.   If only the Edisons and Tolstoys were still here to regale us with the problems they encountered and give us the benefit of their experience.

For many a long year we have been told that everything of consequence begins in the home and the way you shape your child’s life will ultimately define what kind of adult he or she becomes. If your child doesn’t shape up then you know that somewhere along the line you went wrong.     But it isn’t always quite that easy as we are all aware.  Parenting, by its very nature, demands an impossible amount of time and tolerance and often the outcome is not quite as rewarding as one might have hoped. You produce a fearful, insecure son with all the resulting raft of behaviour problems and from all you are told, believe all too easily that his insecurity stems from deprivation – you did not distribute enough of your love, you were not always kind, you were quick to criticise, were sarcastic occasionally and in any case you’ve always preferred his well behaved sister! You can’t win.

We worry about whether the home we are providing is a happy enough one.  Is our child being held back by a gloomy atmosphere when she comes home from school?

Well…..possibly, but on the other hand the brutality and lack of care documented below would suggest that despite all this, most able children can still rise to dizzy heights of prominence and celebrity.  So possibly my telephone enquirer should try not to worry quite so much.  She hadn't heard of John Ruskin but then to be perfectly frank I hadn't heard of him myself until I began to delve into the childhoods of the later-to-be-illustrious.

John Ruskin’s mother, I told her,  was a strict evangelical puritan and did not allow little John many toys and even refused to let him play with a puppet theatre a kind aunt bought for him. No books except the Bible were allowed on Sundays. His mother was overprotective and when he went to Oxford she went with him, taking rooms nearby. Now you could say she was just a concerned, loving parent, but according to her son she was the trigger for all that later went wrong in his life.

General Gordon (she did know of him) claimed in adult life that he could never get over the fact that as a child he was urged to believe that every word of the Bible was literally true and for that reason he totally rejected all forms of faith. He was clearly a very tough critic. Even worse was the plight of poet Edmund Gosse who came from an Exclusive Brethren family and never ate a meal away from home or received visitors.  His parents liked to discuss Theology after tea and did not allow Edmund story books – even fairy tales were denied him.  He, too, did not forgive them easily although as a clearly able boy he could have learned much from all those after tea discussions.

You might imagine that completely chaotic homes would be somewhat happier. Not so!  Sir Patrick Hastings` father was frequently on the verge of bankruptcy, drunk most of the time, and regularly disappeared  for months at a time leaving his family without any means of support. His  mother was an artist, totally absorbed in her work and a hopeless parent although she seemed to have an abiding love for her children.   Young Patrick felt he had a miserable childhood.   The home of George Bernard Shaw was similar and he claimed that most of the time his parents abandoned their children to care for themselves under the occasional supervision of the servants. He felt that he would have had a better deal had the family been too poor to afford servants and later described his childhood as `eccentric to the point of anarchy’. He strongly believed that his mother in particular should have taken greater care of his diet for example, rather than leaving him to eat and drink whatever he pleased.   There are children out there in today’s world who would envy him!

Lord Clive, later of India, also suffered from lack of guidelines. As a toddler he was sent to relatives in Manchester to be out of the way of his arthritic father who was prone to violent rages. The couple who became his caregivers loved him dearly and could deny him nothing. Young Clive became rude, arrogant, impetuous and dominating. He was expelled from one school after another as posses of parents descended upon Headmaster’s offices to demand his removal within a very short space of time after each enrollment. He apparently led bands of young hooligans through the environs of greater Manchester, breaking into toy shops, stealing from market stalls, and generally terrorising the locals. As an adult he blamed this delinquency on his family. 

Dramatist and writer Anton Chekhov, was a victim of a despotic parent.  His father was badly educated and irrational;  he is said to have  had a woeful ignorance of how to bring up his children and was brutal in the extreme. The adult Chekhov frequently referred to his father as a  vicious despot who beat him regularly for minor misdemeanours  such as not attending properly in church, playing instead of doing his lessons, and taking too long to carry out errands. In later life he claimed that this early lack of love made it impossible for him to love others. He would have enjoyed being kind to others, he maintained, but found it impossible to do so.

Frederick Delius was one of twelve children.  He was another deeply unhappy boy whose parents were tyrannical. When Frederick achieved fame they showed little or no interest and never went to a single one of his performances.  

Rudyard Kipling never got over his parents taking him to England from India when he was five or six and leaving him there without any warning. His guardians were not ideal and he got frequent beatings. They took away his books when they found he was reading for pleasure and made him learn long passages of the Bible by heart.  As a result of this his eyesight deteriorated and he began to do badly at school.  So badly in fact that he systematically destroyed  his school reports instead of handing them over.  His mother returned to rescue him some years later but he was never able to come to terms with the unhappiness of those years or forgive her for them.  Though to be fair, in spite of his bad eyesight didn’t he do well? 

Some who were later to achieve greatness grew up with a different kind of insecurity and deprivation. Leonardo da Vinci was illegitimate, taken from his mother and raised by a foster mother. He was not treated badly but he felt that his whole development was damaged by this separation from his birth mother.  Lawrence of Arabia was also illegitimate  His father was a baronet married to an unpleasant woman known as the Vinegar Queen with whom he had five daughters.   He had a long affair with his children’s nurse and eloped with her. The outcome of the union was five sons, one of whom, Lawrence, was severely emotionally affected by the family situation. Jonathan Swift’s father died shortly before his birth and his distraught young mother handed him over to foster care when he was a few days old.  He did not see her again for three or four years. He always felt that his life had been `poisoned from the start’ and he never emotionally recovered. Samuel Johnson grew up in a home where conflict was ever present between his parents which caused him great distress. Froebel’s mother died when he was a few months old and he was left largely in the care of neglectful servants. He never came to terms with the fact that his father remarried a few years later and apart from teaching him to read, took little interest in him. Rousseau was also a motherless infant.  When his mother died after his birth, his father immediately left for several years and went to Constantinople. His older brother, a boy of twelve or thirteen, disappeared at about the same time and Jean was handed into the care of an aunt and uncle who were dutiful but failed to love him as he felt he deserved. Toulouse Lautrec grew up in a house that resounded with hatred.  His parents held no love or regard for each other at all and tried to exist as strangers. Nevertheless Toulouse was spoiled by his mother who lavished all her attention on him..........all very fascinating, and more later!

Blogging

`There's nothing to it,' I told Philippa as we sat discussing the pros and cons of blogging a day or two ago, `You'll take to it like a duck to water.'    Then I added something about wondering why she had not committed herself to it before now.
She considered me thoughtfully and said that she had never really considered that she had anything worthwhile to say.
I ordered second flat whites with the air of what I fondly imagined was a seasoned blogger, `Well neither have I,'  I admitted.
`Yes,'  she agreed, `I know.'

Supermarket Shopping on Quay Street

I generally do my supermarket shopping on Quay Street where the local Countdown seems full of Beautiful People so I enter and exit as inconspicuously as possible often wishing I had at least changed my sweater before leaving the house.
My local supermarket often has mothers with long pale hair lingering in the aisles and they have children with names like Tristram and Persephone.   While their beautiful mothers are exchanging recipes for grated carrot burgers and discussing the principles of  Montessori education, Tristram and Persephone play chasey around and about the fruit and vegetable displays and sometimes sample ice block flavours. Their mothers threaten to send them back to the four wheel drives parked below but they never actually do so because that might upset the dogs on the back seat.   The dogs are beautiful too, possibly Afghan hounds and they look somewhat like their owners.   
I imagine that these families and their pets live in pretty little cottages in Parnell, perhaps Scarborough Terrace but of course I could be wrong.   They might, after all have driven in from Avondale.   If so, I do wish they would shop in Avondale. 

Sunday lunch at The Coach & Horses.....

We were doing a `down memory lane' walk around Northfleet in Kent five or six weeks ago and after bewailing the fact that the houses on `my' side of York Road had all been demolished, and that the chalk pits no longer looked as exciting as they did when I was nine, and how Ebbsfleet International Station had totally ruined the reed beds, we decided to have lunch at the Coach & Horses on The Hill. Sharon Duffy certainly provides a sensational lunch - more than enough for four or five and wonderfully tasty.   I hadn't been in the pub since I was eighteen or nineteen and am afraid to say that in those days the atmosphere and antiquity of the place was quite lost on me.   A really lovely old building.   If you're in the area you should pop in and then you'll see exactly what I mean.