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Sunday 2 October 2016

A Very Nearly Uneventful Case of Cataract Surgery....

Well as those closest to me will already be totally aware of to the most minute detail, I finally plucked up the courage required to go ahead with the cataract surgery my ophthalmologist had been urging for nearly a decade. The decision was not taken at all lightly because where surgery of any kind is concerned my general policy has always been to avoid it at all cost – not that cost is the prime consideration. Not at all - in fact the major issue is always and will always be run of the mill cowardice. I am so spineless that I actually need sedation for a perfectly normal visit to the dentist and as for childbirth……..in all honesty I simply do not understand how I actually managed to have three children but somehow or other I did. As for the eye surgery, it wasn’t as if the ophthalmologist was a particularly intimidating individual and he and I had been in an eye relationship ever since I consulted him with regard to a small but unsightly cyst on the eyelid in 2006 which he showed no interest in whatsoever whilst growing more and more animated over something called Closed Angle Glaucoma. The latter could lead to a Serious Eye Emergency he told me, the initial look of boredom now gone completely. In fact he would deal with it the very next day. And so he did, with a laser – again a most alarming interlude but at least painless and over quickly. By the time my check up appointment loomed ahead he and I were no longer Dr & Mrs – we had become Dean and Jean. Not unusual in this day and age though definitely not a practice I am completely at ease with. To be honest I prefer those I consult for reassurance in matters medical to be slightly more distanced from me, to be shrouded in a reasonable measure of mystery, definitely male rather than female and if possible wearing a suit and tie. A bit much to ask these days I agree though he did get the gender correct and perhaps I am stuck in the dark ages because I have to further admit that I feel the same way about priests – they should be dressed traditionally and definitely must not invite me to call them Mike. Nuns likewise; it is most disconcerting to find oneself in conversation about Brexit for example at the hair salon, with a nun in mufti waiting to have her highlights applied. I need not add that I shudder at the thought of a female priest, not that that’s likely to eventuate any time soon as far as the Catholic Church is concerned. But I digress. Getting back to cataract surgery, I was finally propelled into the decision making by a near miss with a motor cyclist approaching from the right when driving to the supermarket early one Sunday morning. Dean thought I had made a sensible decision and said he always knew that I would be aware when the time was `right’. Well I suppose he would wouldn’t he? He suggested that the Symphony Lens might be right for me. I didn’t really care but wanted to know if I could have a sedation. Dean said yes of course I could. In the interim I cross examined those among my acquaintances who had already had their ageing lenses replaced. They all said it was a non event, that there was no pain involved and they wondered why I felt I needed sedating. When the day approached I realized that my friend Dawn was to have the very same operation, the very same lens, at the very same time as me. She looked slightly startled when I mentioned the sedation. No, she said, she thought she would be all right without it. She went back to reading her magazine. I headed for the toilet for the second time in fifteen minutes and wondered if it was too late to cancel the whole intimidating event. To be perfectly honest, of course it didn’t hurt and of course it was over within minutes. Undoubtedly a non event! The second eye was done a few days later, in a similarly uneventful manner. Almost immediately I was able to see perfectly as far as reading and computer work was concerned. Watching TV is not as comfortable as I would have hoped, however, and I need to sit much closer to the screen than previously. Mid vision for driving is also unacceptable. I am still hoping that this might improve but am almost half resigned to the fact that I may still need to wear glasses from time to time. No doubt Dean & Jean will commune on this matter just as soon as he can fit me into his busy schedule. In the meantime thank Heaven it’s over!

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