The Long Shadow of Mr Scrooge

Maria said that when she considered Christmases Past she was usually plunged into family times she would rather forget – grand gala meals in frankly forgettable restaurants where the bill invariably fell to her long suffering husband. That was because he had his own small export business and was seen as being better off than the rest of them, not to mention being the Senior family member. Her brothers and their partners were all almost a decade younger and being a decade younger let you off the hook for a great many things – at least that was Maria’s opinion.

I had to admit she had something there, having regularly been poised and hopeful in downmarket Pizza Palaces, vainly optimistic that the cousin with the BMW parked outside would for once think of paying the bill or even a portion of it. He never did of course, not even when it was quite evident that payment was going to fall to the same long suffering one who had shelled out on several previous festive occasions. Judith says that maybe the BMW owner had quite forgotten who paid last year and the year before. But these are facts most unlikely to have been lost to memory no matter how vague the perpetual offenders might seem to be.

In fact such money conscious miscreants are usually quick to calculate and although unlikely to fork out for an actual meal might occasionally score points within a group by leaping to their feet suddenly anxious to foot the bill for coffee, over-riding everyone else in tones that are ever loud and clear - `this one’s on me!’. And that’s them off the hook for the next five years!

But as Tom says, some people are simply more innately generous than others whether they are rich or poor. My brother was one such and throughout his life, through times of hardship and wealth, always wanting to be the bill payer at any celebratory event, firmly brushing aside the one or two half-hearted protests. In his latter years it hardly mattered because he could definitely afford to do so. Even-so he once mentioned to me the names of one or two who had repeatedly over years taken care to avoid paying even for lime and soda water if it was possible to do so.

We agreed that meanness is a most unlikeable trait. It’s even more unpleasant when it emerges in those closest to you. Maria says it's harder to bear at Christmastime and maybe it's something to do with the long shadow of Mr Scrooge.

The Threshold of Forgiveness

We were discussing the pain caused when those who once were Loved Ones let you down, who studiously ignore the very people who should by rights count as Nearest & Dearest for over a decade, when they fail to acknowledge important dates and even ignore a sick and ageing parent for months on end. Sonya said that abandonment is invariably distressing, most especially when it emanates from a much loved son or daughter. Maria was more in agreement with me and felt that with the passing of time the anguish diminishes and then she added that so indeed did the anger. But there I disagreed with her.
Tom was more pragmatic and his view encompassed forgiveness but then Tom is a very Good Person and forgiveness comes easily to him. He thought that in the end a mother’s love would always prevail and reminded us that even the Yorkshire Ripper’s mother loved him when the rest of the world was filled with odium because that’s the way mothers are emotionally configured. Sonya thought he might be right. Later as we sipped gin and tonics together I told her that some of us were simply not built that way. She thought I should work on my forgiveness threshold but I quite like the level at which it is currently pitched.