The Very Important Specialist said he was very sorry not to be able to impart better news but the fact was no matter which way you looked at it the cell had become much more aggressive despite all the treatment. The Overwhelming Mother and the Distant Father sat a little closer together and tried to look totally attentive. The words spoken by this Most Significant Person definitely had an air of unreality about them like something said by characters in books, maybe even a book written by an Overwhelming Mother where in fact a happy ending could be produced if needs be. A decision might be made NOT to become the Overwhelming Mother in the first place; now there was indeed a pertinent thought. Had the Overwhelming Mother not been quite as overwhelmingly overwhelming the son living in a far off country might have chosen to acknowledge the Distant Father’s serious illness rather than ignoring it. He might even have sent birthday and Christmas greetings – possibly a text on Distant Father’s Day when the phones had stayed monitored just in case….. Now there indeed was yet another pertinent thought!
When these meanderings were laid before Good Friend Sonya, her immediate comment was that perhaps a Christmas and a birthday greeting should have been sent to the Prodigal Son under discussion to help sew the seed of that excellent idea, enable him to see the generally acceptable way to behave just in case it wasn’t clear to him. When told that in fact that had been done she grew silent for a while and at last said what a totally self-seeking, self-centred, self- interested, egocentric piece of human waste he must be in that case. It was then that the erstwhile Overwhelming Mother began to weep and said it seemed so recently he had been the little boy she had loved so dearly. Good Friend Sonya advised that there were times when it was better by far to face reality and waste no more emotional energy upon those with no understanding of filial obligations . So that is what the Overwhelming Mother did!
Ah! Overwhelming Mother what is it makes a son who was loved dearly and grew up a lovely kind thoughtful little 'human bean' as one close to me, used to call the human race, grow up to be a selfish thoughtless big shit! I have come across many mothers who wonder too. Have the people they met along the way to adulthood influenced them that they treat parents as not very close relatives and ignore them. Are they going through some hidden turmoil themselves. Are they blaming their parents for 'not sending them to the right school' or whatever perceived injury. If only they understood we did the very best we could with the knowledge we had at the time. Or are they indeed another 'self-seeking, self-centred, etc.,' and don't really care. What I wonder is, if when the parents have died will they suffer and say 'why wasn't I told' 'I wish I had known/talked to them more.' Will we ever know or explain, have an honest conversation and learn what went wrong - or will we disappear from their memory. All we can do is not spend any more time yearning for something which may or may not happen and love them as we remember the child who was.
ReplyDeleteIt's good to know that one is not alone with this problem. What on earth went wrong? Why are loving, well meaning parents blamed because their children's lives are not perfect? Why is it they feel so self entitled? How is it that loving fathers suffering serious illness can be so ignored? Totally perplexing.
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